hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
