woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
