Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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