I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
