Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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