Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
