I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
