Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
