Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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