I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
