just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
