I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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