Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
