Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
