Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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