Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
