i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize