u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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