A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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