im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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