What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize