How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
