I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
