'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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