So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
