well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
