Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
