the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
