you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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