How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
