I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize