Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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