If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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