Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
