not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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