it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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