youre lurking in front of me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
