2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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