i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize