why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
