I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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