If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
