Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
