Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
