i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
