I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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