If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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