You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
