I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
