My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
did you just send me my own nude
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
