Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Randomize
