I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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