yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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