My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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