Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
