i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
