college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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