Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
