I didn't shave. On purpose
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
