I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Randomize
