I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
