My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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