Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
