i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
