how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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