you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
