I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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